So. How Did I Get Here, Anyway?

Blue Crabs

My two sons (and my ex-wife) are down in Maryland right now, visiting with friends I’ve known since 1994. I’m sitting at home, by myself, listening to Journey while Penn State is on the muted TV, typing what you see in front of you now. How did my life come to this?

Now, the first reason is really easy. The occasion at my/our friends’ house is a Crab Feast – there will be multiple bushels of Blue Crabs, being ripped apart and devoured by a large number of people sitting at tables covered in newspapers (which, yes, is the proper and really the ONLY setting for eating crabs). Many of those people will also be consuming a HUGE amount of beer. I’m a recovering alcoholic who is still very much struggling with his recovery, so putting myself in a situation which would make me spend all day thinking about how AWESOME a beer would be right now is what we call “A Bad Idea ™”. So – right away, it’s out.

Now, if I was in a better place, or if I had been sober for a year or so (like I should be at this point, considering all the rehab and counseling I’ve had), could I be going along on this trip? Mmmmmmmmaybe. There’s at least one more issue.

As I said above – my ex-wife took my sons down there. She and I are getting along fairly well as “friends” I guess, and we are co-parenting at the very least. But, no matter what anybody tells you – when you have a separation/divorce, your mutual friends have to make a choice: you or her. The people she’s hanging out with this weekend chose her. And one of those people was the best man at my wedding. Kinda drives the point home about how badly you really screwed up, if there’s any lingering questions.

(No, I’m not bubbling over with anger or bitterness about this. Honestly, if I was in their place, I would have chosen her too.)

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